Judaism INsight Out #53 – Why Me?

Stretch Fetch Kvetch

Original Plaque in Bet Kelev’s Workout Room

Jewish kvetching, some rationalize is historically imbued due to the Torah’s preoccupation with life in contradiction to then Egyptian’s fixation on death (*), has become an art form (though perfected by non-Jews as well – especially snowflakes, social justice cowards, CNN anchors, and political progressives.)

Some have even indicated that the Torah’s Book of Numbers (which actually corrected translated ‘In the Wilderness’) should be retitled The Book of Complaints (aka Kvetching)

The Missing Tile Story

Imagine yourself entering a lavishly decorated room. The marble floor reflects the unique walls, each engraved with its own image. The furniture is large and impressive, drawing your eyes upwards. Your gaze is then drawn to the unbelievable ceiling, a mosaic masterpiece. And then you notice it – on the right side of the ceiling there is a missing tile, and try as you might, you cannot help but ignore the lavish room and your eyes are simply drawn to that missing tile.

Rabbi Lieberman
Chief Rabbi of Shomre Hadas congregation in Antwerp

Questions:

Why do we focus on the missing tile?

Man, identified with his physical body as ‘being’ himself, fears that physical death is his extinction. Given this fear, and man’s bodily identification of his body as himself, man operates from a state of ‘LACK’ (lacktose intolerance). As a result, man seeks acquisition (Cain in Hebrew) as his principle strategy (be it money, power, prestige, religious obedience brownie points etc.) to secure immortality (continuation, permanence, certainty) now or in the afterlife (physical resurrection) or at a minimum diversionary palliation.

The principle derivative tactic of the LACK Acquisition Strategy is More, More, More for Im-MORE-Tality.

There is never enough for certainty, permanence, continuity – thus the unquenchable thirst for more (which, in a Sisyphean (1) sense, is never enough – not yet…so far)

There is always something lacking — thus, the missing tile syndrome focus is reinforced by not enough – the need for ‘more’ –focusing on ‘the lack, the off, the missing’ – what one doesn’t have rather than what one has

Why- when thing go wrong – we say ‘why me,’ but when things go right we don’t say ‘why me?’

It is said that the saddest character (anthropomorphism aside) in Torah is not Moses (who had to put up with constant kvetching of the Hebrews despite them seeing miracles), not Yaakov (enduring his comeuppance on steroids – thinking Joseph was dead, losing Rachel, the slaughter by his sons of a people for defiling their sister) etc, not Isaac, being hoodwinked by his wife and Yaakov — but Hashem.

Why complaining (‘implicitly – why me?”)

At the base of bortzing is ingratitude.

And ingratitude finds it’s justification – in being a victim. (See snowflakes, social justice takers not makers, CNN anchors, political progressives, and of course Hillary Clinton with their kvetching ingratitude – playing the victim to victimize & monetize$$$$$$$

And on an individual level – ourselves – including yours truly – who play ‘why me’ when things go bad – but not why me (in gratitude) when things go well and acknowledgment of our blessings.

Furthermore, gratitude is minimized by failing to recognize and or confusing capacity (God given & inherited) with one’s developed capability from the God given and inherited capacity.

And so, we don’t ask ‘why me’ when good occurs we attribute to ourselves capability, which we developed regardless of Obama & Poco’haunt’us stating ‘you didn’t build it.’ Yes, Lou Ferrigno, The Incredible Hulk, worked years – hour after hour – developing his body. But it was the body mass that he had (capacity) that allowed him to develop the capability to be The Hulk whereas this writer at 5’5” (on a good day) could put in the same time – and at best would be Mini Me Hulk).

We fail to acknowledge – let alone show gratitude for – the capacity to develop the capability given by Hashem – fostered by one’s parents – because of and even despite or in spite of them. (*).

********

The hackneyed old saw, ‘you don’t know what you have till you lose it’ is painstakingly true. The flip side of the ‘why me’s (LACKtose intolerance) is taking for granted which compounds ingratitude crowding out gratitude, acknowledgment of blessings and capacity.

Result: ongoing or just beneath the surface of a focus on the next missing tile or tiles in the LACKtose intolerance que such that :

solve missing tile #1 and missing tile #2 is promoted
we dump on the present failing to appreciate it even yearning for the ‘worse’ past (remember the Israelites in the desert indicating they had it better in Egypt as slaves – forget the miracles etc – they had ‘leaks’ in Egypt – whatever ‘leaks’ are other than incontinence)

May you have the courage to follow your dreams.

And when you fail may you fail forward.

A Favorite Toast

No doubt, at one time or another we have all been ‘victims.’ (Or course, how could there be heroes – let alone how come one become a hero in one’s own life – without villains, difficulties and challenges?) The point of failures, obstacles, etc is failing forward, continuing to complete the incompletions and challenges to our soul, and re-membering when good occurs – maybe for the first time – asking ‘why me?’ (perfunctory false modesty and feigned character self-depreciation doesn’t count.)

Of course, again, when things go wrong (aka not our way) – there is plenty of blame, complaining, disdaining, competitive suffering and finally the self-pity of ‘why me’ (with or without safe spaces) Bortzing & blasting supersede any offsetting accounting for blessings and beautiful tiles.

CHEWish On This©

‘Tile’ by Error

And tiles to go before I sleep (Robert Frost-ed)

*(Note – dysfunctional families are normal. From the beginning, a Torah describes fahakta family dynamics: Cain & Abel (am I thy brother’s keeper?) Abraham & Sarah (taking Isaac for potential sacrifice), Rebecca & Yaakov (conspiring to hijack the blessing from Isaac belonging to Esau), Yaakov and Esau (another story of brotherly love), Joseph & his brothers (the pits) etc.. Donna Reed, Father Knows Best, Ozzie & Harriett, Make Room for Daddy– now that’s abnormal).

Competitive Missing Tile WHY ME? Kvetching

I – Sergeant Krupke (from West Side Story)

Action

Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke,

You gotta understand,

It’s just our bringin’up-ke

That gets us out of hand.

Our mothers all are junkies,

Our fathers all are drunks,

Golly Moses, natcherly, we’re punks!

Action & The Jets

Gee, Officer Krupke, we’re very upset;

We never had the love that ev’ry child oughta get.

We ain’t no delinquents,

We’re misunderstood.

Deep down inside us there is good!

Action

There is good!

All

There is good, there is good,

There is untapped good!

Like inside, the worst of us is good!

Action

Dear kindly Judge, your Honor,

My parents treat me rough.

With all their marijuana,

They won’t give me a puff.

They didn’t wanna have me,

But somehow I was had.

Leapin’ lizards! That’s why I’m so bad!

Diesel

Officier Krupke, you’re really a square;

This boy don’t need a judge, he needs an analyst’s care!

It’s just his neurosis that oughta be curbed.

He’s psychologic’ly disturbed!

Action

I’m disturbed!

Jets

We’r disturbed, we’re disturbed,

We’re the most disturbed,

Like we’re pyschologic’ly disturbed

Action

My father is a bastard,

My ma’s an S.O.B.

My grandpa’s always plastered

My grandma pushes tea.

My sister wears a mustache.

My brother wears a dress

Goodness gracious, that’s why I’m a mess!

Officer Krupke from West Side Story 1957 (57 Years Ago!)

II – Willie and Frankie

Competitive Suffering & Kvetching was a Saturday Night Live sketch that had Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest as Frank & Willie The Night Watchmen doing The Battle of Afflictions. Each kvetched about his illness trying to top the other with a more dreaded affliction he was enduring while feigning empathy for the other stating, ‘Do you know what I hate? Oh, no, but you think you have it bad, then listen to this (gruesome situation)!’ Here is the sketch:

Willie and Frankie
Frankie … Christopher Guest
Willie … Billy Crystal

[Hallway in an office building at night. Uniformed security guards Willie and Frankie — two working class nebbishes with thick New York accents — carry flashlights and walk down the hall testing the knobs on the locked office doors.]

Frankie: Hey, Willie.

Willie: Hi, Frankie.
Frankie: How’s the west wing?
Willie: All secure.
Frankie: That’s good.
Willie: You know somethin’, Frank?
Frankie: What?
Willie: I – I – I don’t like bein’ a night watchman. There – there’s nobody here.
Frankie: It means we’re doin’ our job, Willie. And doin’ it well.
Willie: Yeah, but I – I – I – I – I liked it better when we – when we was messengers, I mean, and then I – I was out – I was meetin’ people.
Frankie: Like that woman over at Scheidelman’s Suits, right?
Willie: [reluctantly] I dropped her. Yeah, she was all over me. All over me, she was. I – I – I need room to breathe.
Frankie: I know, Willie. The stallion needs to run. [Willie nods solemnly in agreement] And run free.
Willie: [rubs his shoulder in pain] Shoo, boy.
Frankie: What’s the matter?
Willie: Eh, my shoulder hurts. You know – you know that narrow hallway in the boiler room? The one with the, uh–?
Frankie: Exposed bolts comin’ out o’ the wall?
Willie: Yeah. Well, every time I walk past it, the bolts dig right into my shoulder. I– It’s very painful.
Frankie: Boy. You wanna talk about some pain? I bought one o’ them linoleum knives the other day, you know?
Willie: With the double edge?
Frankie: Right.
Willie: Yeah?
Frankie: So, I go home, you know, and I spread my toes apart and I just start sawing, back and forth and back and forth, you know?
Willie: Mm hmm.
Frankie: And I take a little thing o’ Tobasco sauce, you know?
Willie: Yeah.
Frankie: And just dump it on there. Talk about a hotfoot, mister! Boy, that was rough.
Willie: Yeah, I know what you mean. You know, the other day, I took one o’ them, uh–?
Frankie: Meat thermometers?
Willie: Yeah! And I just shoved it into my ear, you know? As far as it could go, you know? But then I took one o’ them, uh–?
Frankie: Ball-peen hammers?
Willie: Right. And just whacked it a few times right in there, you know.
Frankie: Boy, that must smart.
Willie: I know! I HATE when THAT happens.
Frankie: You know what I hate?
Willie: What?
Frankie: I go into the kitchen, I open the drawer, you know?
Willie: Uh huh?
Frankie: And I take out a, uh–
Willie: Carrot scraper?
Frankie: Right. And I stick it up my nose, you know, and I’m rootin’ it around, and, you know, gettin’ all the mucus membranes out o’ there, you know? And then I take one o’ them, uh–?
Willie: Mentholated eucalyptus cough drops?
Frankie: Right. And I stick it– wedge it up there, you know? I take a couple o’ whiffs, boy. Heh, ya feel like your head’s gonna explode.
Willie: Boy, isn’t THAT the truth? It’s like the other night. I’m in the attic and I got a bunch o’ mousetraps, ya know?
Frankie: Right.
Willie: And, for bait, I used a big piece of, uh–
Frankie: Camembert?
Willie: Right. So, so I set the trap, right? A-a-a-a-and I wanna see if the trap was gonna work, right? So I got the Camembert in there.
Frankie: Right.
Willie: But every time I went to taste the cheese, the thing came down right on my tongue! … I’m tellin’ ya — after forty, fifty times, I – I – I couldn’t even feel the cheese, much less taste it. I hate when THAT happens, I’ll tell ya that.
Frankie: Boy, you know what I hate? I hate– I got a gross o’ them, uh–?
Willie: Razor blades?
Frankie: No.
Willie: Fish hooks?
Frankie: No.
Willie: Ah?
Frankie: Thumb tacks.
Willie: Ah! Yeah.
Frankie: Right?
Willie: Yeah.
Frankie: So I bring ’em home, you know, and I sprinkle ’em all out over the floor, you know?
Willie: Points up?
Frankie: Right.
Willie: Uh huh.
Frankie: Then I strip down to the nude and I just ROLL back and forth across the room, ya know? Stickin’ in all over my body. Then I jump in a hot tub and just soak.
Willie: Mm hmm.
Frankie: Hate that.
Willie: Sounds very painful.
Frankie: Very painful.
Willie: [heavy sigh] Boy. So what’re ya gonna do now?
Frankie: Eh, I’m gonna check fifteen.
Willie: Yeah. I’m gonna check nine.
Frankie: Okay.
[They head back up the hall, testing doorknobs as they go. Finally, they pause to give each other a friendly pat on the shoulder.]
Frankie: Good night, Willie!